Car Rides and Relationships

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

“I can’t believe you’re putting on makeup in the car!”

Have you ever had an argument with your significant other while driving? Believe it or not, disagreements in the car happen pretty frequently. Some studies suggest that most couples can’t go more than 22 minutes in a car together without getting frustrated with something– whether it be an issue with directions, speeding, or something else entirely. Minor issues like this don’t seem like much, however, they can lead to relationship tension if you don’t resolve them properly

The average driver logs about 37 miles per day, or 13,476 miles per year on their car. Regardless of whether you’re traveling to work, visiting family and friends, or running errands, it seems natural that you and your significant other will wind up in a car together. Does it have to be a bad thing?

For some, driving together can become a cherished couple’s activity. It provides an opportunity to discuss the things on your mind, especially when you wish you could spend more time together. Plus, since the focus of the driver is on the road, it can sometimes be easier to discuss sensitive topics. However, while commuting together can be a blessing, there are also negatives to consider, too. Sarah Fletcher, a relationship counselor in London explains, “Couples can say things – sometimes which might be difficult – in the car without the other one being able to walk away – it’s a captive audience.” Without being able to walk away, some couples may find it harder to resolve arguments calmly.

But what do most couples actually argue about while they drive?

According to AAPopulus who did a survey on 23,000 Brittish drivers, the top 10 causes for in-car arguments are:

Knowing where to go
Driving too fast
Not asking for directions
Noisy children
Shouting at other drivers
Car temperature
Not agreeing where to eat
Not agreeing on what to listen to
Topic of conversation
Driving too slowly

So how do you prevent such minor issues from escalating? Well, when you notice your discussion turning into an argument, put the proverbial brakes on! After all, your relationship shouldn’t be clouded by such silly arguments. If something is bothering you, take a deep breath and discuss it. It’s important to get these things out in the open. If you don’t know where to go, ask your partner for recommendations on what they think you should do — and be open to their ideas. If something you’re doing makes them uncomfortable, such as driving too fast, be considerate of them and make a change to your driving behavior. After all, vehicles can easily be deadly… don’t place the person you care about at risk. Instead, use the time you have in your car as a chance to reconnect with one another. Nowadays, busy schedules keep people apart. A pleasant and safe car ride is one way to give you some much-needed quality time together.

As a couple, do your best to encourage safety on the roads. In the unfortunate event that you receive a traffic ticket in Hillsborough county, we highly recommend Too Cool Traffic School’s 4hr Basic Driver Improvement Course (BDI Course) to help dismiss the points from the citation.

Intimacy in Relationships: How intimate are you?

Posted on July 10, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

Intimacy is important for any long-term relationship. But it goes beyond the meaning that we normally associate with intimacy. There are three classifications, and they are all important to understand and strengthen intimacy in relationships.

Self-intimacy has to do with each individual feeling comfortable with themselves. This is extremely important since the lack of self-intimacy can cause a person to develop low self-esteem. Reflecting on your strengths and weaknesses, and becoming more self-aware is vital to enhancing self-intimacy, which will ultimately allow you to be a more cheerful, and healthier individual. Reflect on the reasons why your partner fell in love with you. Make sure your partner can reflect on what makes them unique, too!

Conflict intimacy is another important classification, since it refers to how close or intimate couples can be during arguments. It may seem difficult, but maintaining closeness during this time can improve communication and relationship strength. Stick together through thick and thin!

The last form of intimacy to understand is affection intimacy. This is the one that most people associate with the word “intimacy.” Affection intimacy can shown verbally, through actions, sexual expressions and non-sexual physical actions (such as holding hands, a kiss, or something else entirely). Giving and receiving affection is a vital skill for long-term couples. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and loved by their soulmate.

With this in mind, we encourage you to reflect on how these three types of intimacy play a role in your relationship. Take time to discuss ways to keep intimacy strong so you can always show just how much you care about each other.

Communicating with Your Partner: Response or Reaction?

Posted on May 13, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

Communication Sometimes, it can be difficult to get your points across to your partner. This is especially true if you are both having a discussion where you both have very strong opinions. Communicating with your partner is often a challenge since you are both individuals with unique thoughts and ideas, so will need to listen to what they have to say if you want to identify what is important to your partner.

Reacting

If you have a strong urge to speak, disagree, explain yourself, etc. you are reacting to the dialogue between you (or the situation). Take a moment to calm yourself by taking a few deep breaths and do your best to focus on what your partner is saying. Listening to their perspective is very important since it allows you both to gain a deeper understanding of each other. The goal is to be two individuals on equal ground that are sharing and speaking to each other in a way where both perspectives can be appreciated and respected. When couples react rather than respond, conversations tend to be cut short and are often less productive.

Response

Allowing your partner to speak is an aspect of personal and relationship respect. In healthy relationships, couples are respectful of each other’s thoughts, perspectives and desires. If something is bothering one of them, the other will do their best to improve the situation. By waiting your turn to respond to the problem, you are giving yourself the opportunity to switch from a reactionary response to a more respectful, and more appropriate one. After listening to your partner, you should state a summary of the obvious points that were made so that you know where to begin. Stay focused on what your partner has said and genuinely ask questions that can help you understand your significant other’s feelings. For example, you could ask: “How long have you been angry with me about this?” or “What first made you feel this way?”

It can be very hard to switch from a reaction to a response, however, it is worth the effort. After all, communication is a critical component of successful and happy couples. Next time that you feel an argument coming, do your best to listen and formulate an appropriate response that will allow you to better understand your partner.

Marriage Advice To Live By

Posted on April 17, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

Whether you are a soon-to-be or newlywed couple, there are some things you should never forget as you continue on your romantic journey together. Here are a few pieces of marriage advice that we hope you will strive to live by.

1. Always remember that you’re on the same team

When you choose to be married, you are choosing your lifelong teammate. You are both working towards the same goal, a happy and healthy marriage. When conflicts surface, focus on finding a peaceful solution rather than encouraging opposition.

2. Find balance

While dedicating time with your significant other is important, it is also good to maintain your own interests. Spend some time occasionally with your friends or volunteer for a non-profit. Don’t forgo your passions for the sake of your significant other, after all, they likely have their own things that they would enjoy doing. Support each other in your endeavors– doing so will strengthen your relationship and give you more things to talk about later on!

3. Find common hobbies

More likely than not, you have probably realized that there are some things that your significant other doesn’t enjoy doing (whereas you do). It can sometimes be disheartening to discover that some activities that you are passionate about aren’t met with the same enthusiasm from your partner. But discovery can lead to excitement. Spend some time to discover activities that you can both enjoy, it is very rewarding when you find a common interest and it allows you to do something different from the normal routine together.

4. Play & Date

Have fun! After a while, a regular routine will get established. Keep the romance alive (who said it has to end when you get married?) by setting aside some time to enjoy each other’s company. Enjoy a movie, a nice dinner, a round of mini-golf, or something else entirely. In fact, you could choose to watch a favorite tv show together on your couch. Either way, quality time spent together is the ultimate goal.

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Planning to get married and want to power up your relationship to the max? Enroll in our highly-rated online premarital preparation course here: http://FLPremaritalCourse.com

Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion

Posted on April 9, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

Couple Arguing

Relationships are full of emotions. We often think of these as happiness, joy, and excitement. In fact, with how many emotions you may experience, it’s no surprise that there are negative emotions that will appear as well. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t properly handle a negative emotion and ultimately convert it to a positive one! One of the most destructive emotions is anger — simply because it is such an easily misunderstood emotion. Many couples don’t express their anger in a constructive way, which leads to it being a hurtful experience.

Recognizing Your Emotions

When anger is expressed in a way where one partner takes it too personally or begins to feel alienated, it can have a toxic effect on the relationship as a whole. But it’s important to realize that each person has their own perceived reality, and while you may feel strongly about a situation, the other person may not feel exactly the same. With that in mind, you must take responsibility for your emotions– it isn’t bad to have them, but you should understand them. Make an effort to figure out how to handle the feeling in a way where you can satisfactorily address the problem with your partner. This is critical for communication!

“It’s not about me.”

As you come to the understanding that our emotions are a response to our own thoughts, beliefs, and other stimuli, try to be more mindful in situations when your partner is angry. While the emotions may have been brought up by something that you’ve done, they are telling you about themself. It isn’t completely about you. With that in mind, listen respectfully to what your partner has to say about the situation. It can be extremely difficult to listen without interrupting, especially in situations where you feel blamed. However, you should keep in mind that this is a form of intimacy. But instead of getting defensive, you should encourage yourself to feel curious. Ask yourself: why do they feel this way?

When you start asking yourself these questions, you place your focus on the real issue and opportunity. Not only do you get to learn more about your partner, you can understand how the things you do impact them. Conflicts are hard to handle, but by being a respectful and caring listener, you can peacefully diffuse and resolve problems.

Tips to Remember:

Ask questions that help you understand why they feel the way they do
Do not get defensive
Encourage curiosity between each other

Discover more tips for marriage and relationship success by taking our fun, online Florida premarital course.

Tips to Make a Long-Distance Marriage Work

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

With our increased ability to communicate with people across the world along with economic issues, couples have more career choices and work location possibilities than ever before. While this can be exciting, it poses as an incredible challenge for couples trying to make a long-distance marriage work. It is important to realize though, that living apart can work for some couples as long they both are committed and use excellent communication skills.

Challenges:

Couples that live together are more aware of each other’s goals and intentions. This is primarily because things are shared on a day-to-day basis. Living apart makes it difficult to remain aware of changes that could occur, which can become a source of conflict. Couples living apart are more prone to experience increased jealousy or difficulty with their commitment, however, this is less of a problem if each individual is aware of their individual needs and voices them clearly.

Couples that are considering living apart should:

1. Have a discussion about why living apart is beneficial. While it is a tough situation, it can work if both partners strive to make it succeed. However, living apart is not a solution for getting away from the other… in this case, it is an unhealthy escape.

2. Make a plan to account for the details. This might be the last thing on your mind, but it’s important to know who will be responsible for financial chores, homekeeping, and other tasks.

3. Check in with your partner frequently. It’s important to understand if the arrangement is working for both of you. After all, in marriage, you are a team. Maintaining relationship morale is important in order to endure tough situations like this. Similarly, if you have children, you should set aside some time every day to talk to them. Daily check-in’s with your spouse and children are important for maintaining a strong, healthy relationship when you are separated by distance.

4. Set up a time for “big picture” meetings. During this time, you can address the progress towards accomplishing the ultimate goal that provided the reason for living apart. For example, moving for a position in order to save money and move your family to another state or country. Living apart is most successful when both partners understand that the situation won’t last forever.

Long Distance Marriages Are Not Easy

If you or your spouse have difficulty trusting one another, are afraid of being alone, have never been without a close physical relationship or have health conditions that require close observation and care, living apart may not be an appropriate option to consider. Rather, it should only be an option for couples that are in a solid marriage where the financial health of your partnership will significantly improve and both individuals are comfortable with the means of communication that are available. While long distance marriages aren’t easy, they can work. In fact, they can make a couple stronger in the long run since it takes a lot of care, attention, dedication and love to make a long distance relationship work. Just remember: regardless of where your relationship is, communication is critical.

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Want more tips to make your marriage strong? Take our engaging online course before you marry (or even afterwards!) at FLPremaritalCourse.com

The Honeymoon Phase is Over… What Now?

Posted on January 30, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

People always hear about the honeymoon phase in a relationship, where the relationship itself changes into something else. That something else shouldn’t be mistaken for something negative; it’s a time when you’re both comfortable with each other and it’s a sort of stable routine. The tension, the nervous excitement is gone and now you’re spending time with your soulmate knowing who they are and how you both fit into each other’s life.

But what should you be thinking about after you pass that phase?

After the honeymoon phase, the idealizations and projections of the perfect partner fall away and you see your partner for the real person they are. At this time, infatuation changes into commitment. The post-honeymoon stage of a relationship is a vital growing phase in a relationship, where you begin to notice habits, dislikes and likes, and other things that you’ve never noticed of your partner before. It can be a tough time, which is why, unfortunately, some relationships don’t last past the honeymoon stage. But, with due diligence in learning about your partner and making an effort to be mindful that they might be noticing new things about you too, this time can bring you closer than ever before.

Keeping the romance alive

It’s important to remember that relationships are work; you can’t just expect them to succeed without putting in some effort. But it is possible to keep romance alive, at any stage of your relationship. It’s easy to desire excitement, but feelings of stability, mature love and deep attachment are vital for successful relationships. And, as Anne Hathaway says, “mellow doesn’t always make for a good story, but it makes for a good life”. Couples that make conscious efforts to stay connected, do things together and mix up their normal routine can still enjoy the excitement that they adored from their relationship early on.

Discover more tips for marriage and relationship success by taking our fun, online Florida premarital course.

How Apologizing Can Go Wrong

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

Sometimes it can seem like your good intentions backfire.

Whether it was a miscommunication or an unneccessary argument, sincere appologies are important for opening communication and moving past a problem. But why is it that sometimes, when you apologize, things just seem to get worse?

Even if we have the intention to admit we’ve done something wrong, it can be easy to throw in an additional phrase that will put your partner on the defense. These acusatory phrases are a means to shift the blame. Here is an example of how apologizing can go wrong. Which would you prefer to hear if your partner was apologizing to you and you were feeling hurt? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It was inappropriate.” OR “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that… but if you had just listened to me…”

Apologies are stand-alone statements where we take responsibility for our actions and ask for forgiveness. Shifting blame is an attempt to apologize where you claim that the actions you made were someone else’s or something else’s fault. In doing so, we’re not really taking responsibility for our words and actions. So, the next time you want to do a heartfelt apology, don’t let it turn into the blame game. When you start blaming your partner for your actions, it’s no longer about recognizing that you’ve done something wrong and hurtful, but rather, it becomes about attacking and hurting your partner further. Remember, when you blame your partner for your actions, it’s more difficult for them to forgive you and move past the situation.

How can you avoid shifting blame?

First of all, it’s important to understand that blame-shifting is often done in an attempt to protect ourselves and our image. Nobody wants to be at fault for a mistake. But we need to also recognize that blame-shifting can be detrimental to relationships, both in our personal lives and our professional lives. If you’re apologizing for something, avoid using the word “but” at the end of an apology and don’t bring up the actions of someone else. These tips will help keep you on track to accomplish your end goal.

If you have a problem, you’re going to want to talk about it. But doing so should be done in a way where both individuals feel comfortable. Starting the conversation with an apology and following it up with something your partner did that really bothered you isn’t the way to begin a healthy, open dialogue. Starting with “I feel…” is a better option, but remember that your attitude, inflection and word choices are significant when it comes to having a worthwhile discussion.

Discover more great tips that will help you achieve a successful, long-lasting and fulfilling marriage by taking Envision Love’s fun, online marriage preparation course. Taking the premarital course will allow you to receive a discount on your Florida marriage license and skip the 3-day marriage license waiting period.

Same-Sex Marriage in Florida

Posted on January 4, 2015 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

As of 12:01 AM on Tuesday Jan. 6, same-sex marriage in Florida will be legal.

Beginning as soon as January 6, 2015 same-sex couples can be issued marriage licenses for the first time in Florida. Months ago, federal district court Judge Robert Hinkle ruled that disallowing same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. On Janurary 1, 2015, he confirmed that his same-sex marriage ruling applies to all 67 Florida counties, and therefore all counties should be issuing same-sex couples marriage licenses.

Since views about same-sex marriage in the county clerks of court is a combination between personal conviction as well as logistics, it has made some counties evaluate whether they want to continue to offer marriage ceremonies. At this time, a handful of counties have chosen to only issue marriage licenses and eliminate courthouse ceremonies. Duval, Clay and Baker counties have discountinued courthouse marriage ceremonies, indicating that although the changing situation with same-sex marriage was involved in their decision, there were other factors involved in the decision. Since some clerks may feel it goes against their personal beliefs to perform these ceremonies, some counties will allow clerks to individually decline performing a ceremony if they feel uncomfortable. For instance, in Putnam county, clerks can decline to perform marriage ceremonies to same-sex couples, but nobody has indicated that they would decline to perform such a ceremony at this time. However, the legal counsel for the county clerks of court advises the clerks to follow the judge’s ruling or face possible consequences. Pam Bondi, who has fought against same-sex marriage has indicated that her office will not intervene further in the matter. Her statement, along with the Judge’s clarification of his ruling eliminates the possibility of further delaying same-sex couples from being issued marriage licenses.

Regardless of whether you are a same-sex couple or not, taking an approved premarital course will allow you to skip the 3-day waiting period and receive a discount of $32.50 off of your marriage license.

Implementing LOVE in your Life Together

Posted on December 12, 2014 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

If you’re here, it’s safe to assume that you’re happily in love and are seeking ways to strengthen your relationship further. But what is love?

Everyone has their own definition for love, whether it’s a feeling, a gesture or something more. Rather than define it, we’ve decided to use the word as a guiding method for implementing LOVE in your life and for relationship success!

Listen
Overlook
Value
Encourage

Listening to your partner is key. If there isn’t proper communication in a relationship, problems can build up until they are beyond repair. By listening to each other, you will both be able to understand the needs of the other and work to ensure both of you are happy and comfortable in your relationship. Couples that have good communication are less likely to seek a divorce.

Overlooking our partner’s flaws is also a very important relationship skill. If you think about it hard enough, you can always find some flaws that your partner has. But, nobody is perfect! Don’t focus on the negatives, rather, appreciate all of the positive aspects that your partner brings to the table. Couples that are happier tend to be more positive, so do your best to hone in on the good aspects. And, if it’s something that truly bothers you, make sure you communicate it with your partner. After all, if you don’t tell them, how can you expect them to know that it bothers you?

Valuing your partner goes hand in hand with overlooking their flaws. Showing how much you appreciate them is important, after all, we all like to know that our company is desired and enjoyed. Relationships with couples that feel needed, loved and valued tend to be longer lasting.

Encouraging your partner’s interests goes a long way in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. After all, everyone has different interests. Even if you’re not interested in all of the same things as your partner, being supportive of their activities or interests demonstrates that you care about the passions of your partner.

By keeping these things in mind, we hope we’ve given you another definition for the word, “love”! Discover more tips for marriage and relationship success by taking our fun, online Florida premarital course.