This is the Time for New Year’s Relationship Resolutions

Posted on January 2, 2015 by Elizabeth Hekimian-Williams, LMHC

Couples can set New Year’s relationship resolutions together

This is the time. This the end-of-the-year, beginning-of-a-New-Year time when people reflect on their past and their future. They make resolutions with new goals, ambitions and directions for a new year and for their future. Often we consider these to be personal/individual. However, we invite you to consider including New Year’s relationship resolutions too. These would be new goals, ambitions and directions for your relationship and for your marriage. Doing this can help you keep your relationship from stagnating as it keeps you both moving forward with new ideas and renewed energies directed within your relationship. Whether you are engaged and getting married soon, or been married for many years, this is a great time to sit down together and plan next year’s ideas for relationship adjustments or improvements as well as plan for new fun and exciting experiences you can share together. You can also use this time to reflect back in general on your shared past and envisioned future to improve emotional intimacy and strengthen your love bond.

Relationship tune-up plus

Essentially you can use this time of year to do a relationship check-up and tune up- it’s like giving it a boost to boot! Sometimes it may seem awkward or you may feel like “it never seems to be the right time” to discuss such topics with your partner. But, this is the time of year when it’s not only appropriate, it’s expected for you to set New Year’s resolutions. So, it’s the right time, without awkwardness, for you both to share your views and discuss ideas for your New Year together!

Need some conversation starters? Have no clue about what you can adjust or improve in your relationship? Don’t know what new fun or exciting experiences you can have together? Here are some ideas that may directly apply to you or that can inspire you to think of additional ideas for your own relationship.

New goals, adjustments, and improvements in the relationship

Changes with chores for one, the other, or both of you
Changes with physical expressions of love and/or sexual activities – type/frequency/initiation
Changes with time spent together and/or apart/time management
Changes with routines
Changes with child rearing
Changes with financial management/bills/what big ticket items/expenses to save for
Changes with how you treat each other and encourage each other/what, when, how
Changes with an addiction that affects your relationship

New fun or exciting experiences together

Try a new sport together/Take newbie lessons
Decide on a local attraction you both like and get a yearly membership there (some places also offer extra perks like reciprocal discounted or free privileges to other similar type places for the year as well, like other museums or zoos or gardens)
Go to one of your “someday I want to go” places so you can cross one more thing off the list
Join a health club and exercise together
Learn to play the same or different instruments, then jam/play together for fun, or entertain your friends and family
Plan a day trip to explore a new-to-you town or city
Plan a Valentine’s day experience
Plan a visit to far away family members or friends you’re longing to see again
Plan on a monthly fun activity you want to regularly participate in (card game, bowling, biking, sailing, book club?)

Don’t feel like you have to make all sorts of changes and plans. Discussing and setting just a few New Year’s relationship resolutions together each year can be enough to strengthen and grow your relationship. Anything you both agree to and feel excited about will re-invigorate your relationship as you begin to realize more fun, more respect, and a deeper love connection with one another.

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Learn more tips and skills towards realizing a successful marriage at FLPremaritalCourse.com

Trust in Relationships

Posted on December 19, 2014 by Elizabeth Hekimian-Williams, LMHC

“I’ve Got Your Back”

Trust is an essential ingredient to having a successful relationship and a fantastic marriage, but it takes time to create trust in relationships and to feel it. It also takes intention and effort to maintain it. When looking up definitions of ‘trust,’ you’ll find that it essentially means to have a firm belief in the reliability, truth, safety and strength of someone or something. Let’s look at each facet of this diamond that makes up trust, which is at the heart of each great relationship.

The ideal would be for each partner in a relationship or marriage to have the very highest level of belief and trust in their partner. In order to achieve that, each of you would need to repeatedly and consistently exhibit behaviors that would show the other that you have these admirable attributes…

• Reliability: consistency and dependability

• Truth: honesty

• Safety: protective and causing no harm or danger

• Strength: the power to resist strain and stress, potency, toughness

The main point of view of holding a firm belief that you trust your partner is that you can count on them, that they have your back, that they are looking out for you, and that they are supportive and there for you even when you express bad feelings or encounter negative events in your lives. In the traditional wedding vows this is expressed as “in good times and in bad.” Betrayals and disloyalty erode trust, especially if the couple does not fully discuss and work through those negative occurrences to re-establish enough trust again.

To improve feelings of trust in your relationship, it can be helpful to identify examples of behaviors representative of each attribute identified above and then work to improve those as they contribute to increasing trust with your partner.

For instance, here are some examples of behaviors in relationships that could demonstrate their related attributes, but you may well think of others to strive for that are more meaningful for you.

• Reliability: on time to meet you, calls or texts as agreed upon, regularly does a chore or task as expected or requested (you can count on them)

• Truth: honest about past experiences, present day issues/feelings/experiences, future needs/dreams, someone you can talk to and expect sincere reactions from (there for you, not deceptive or betraying, supportive with your negative feelings)

• Safety- someone you can safely talk to without feeling ashamed, demeaned, dismissed, avoided or rejected by, someone who values your safety and well-being, someone who does not verbally or physically abuse you (“I’ve got your back”)

• Strength- someone with the smarts and stamina to be tough in the face of life’s adversities and that can be a partner to help you both pull through any rough times, a tough go-getter that will pull their weight in the marriage to help you both get ahead and be happy together (looking out for you/looking out for us)

You may notice that these attributes are often held by our best friends as well. A good friend is usually seen as someone you can count on, feel safe talking to, and who you expect to be in your corner, as you would be for them. Is it any wonder that great marriages often start with a strong foundation of true friendship as well?

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To gain more relationship skills for a great marriage, go to http://FLPremaritalCourse.com

Implementing LOVE in your Life Together

Posted on December 12, 2014 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

If you’re here, it’s safe to assume that you’re happily in love and are seeking ways to strengthen your relationship further. But what is love?

Everyone has their own definition for love, whether it’s a feeling, a gesture or something more. Rather than define it, we’ve decided to use the word as a guiding method for implementing LOVE in your life and for relationship success!

Listen
Overlook
Value
Encourage

Listening to your partner is key. If there isn’t proper communication in a relationship, problems can build up until they are beyond repair. By listening to each other, you will both be able to understand the needs of the other and work to ensure both of you are happy and comfortable in your relationship. Couples that have good communication are less likely to seek a divorce.

Overlooking our partner’s flaws is also a very important relationship skill. If you think about it hard enough, you can always find some flaws that your partner has. But, nobody is perfect! Don’t focus on the negatives, rather, appreciate all of the positive aspects that your partner brings to the table. Couples that are happier tend to be more positive, so do your best to hone in on the good aspects. And, if it’s something that truly bothers you, make sure you communicate it with your partner. After all, if you don’t tell them, how can you expect them to know that it bothers you?

Valuing your partner goes hand in hand with overlooking their flaws. Showing how much you appreciate them is important, after all, we all like to know that our company is desired and enjoyed. Relationships with couples that feel needed, loved and valued tend to be longer lasting.

Encouraging your partner’s interests goes a long way in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. After all, everyone has different interests. Even if you’re not interested in all of the same things as your partner, being supportive of their activities or interests demonstrates that you care about the passions of your partner.

By keeping these things in mind, we hope we’ve given you another definition for the word, “love”! Discover more tips for marriage and relationship success by taking our fun, online Florida premarital course.

Love quote: One day, in your search for happiness…

Posted on October 23, 2014 by Elizabeth Hekimian-Williams, LMHC

Love Quote

“One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search.” ~ Robert Brault

This is a sweet love quote from Robert Brault. It’s a clever play on words calling your loved one “your happiness” and with it also meaning that person is your happiness. Then they also get on board on a voyage with you to jointly continue seeking happiness together. Onward life voyagers!

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You can start an online voyage of new discoveries to enhance your marriage by taking our online premarital course together at FLPremaritalCourse.com – only you and “your happiness” can find out the interesting places you may go!

What Not To Say to Your Significant Other

Posted on September 22, 2014 by Kayla Hekimian Williams

couple-covering-mouth

We’ve all been told at some point in our lives to “think before we speak”. In relationships, it is very important to give proper thought before discussing certain topics. Especially if you hope to mutually agree on some type of change. Here are some serious topics that couples occasionally need to discuss, and how you can approach the topics with the degree of care that your significant other deserves.

1. More Time Together

Your Mission: To express your interest in spending more time with your partner. You used to spend tons of time together, but life has gotten in the way!

Don’t Say: “I’m very unhappy with the amount of time we spend together.”
Saying it in this way can easily be taken as offensive, and could make your partner immediately unhappy with the direction of the conversation. It is also very vague and could make your partner imagine the worst.

Do Say: “Remember when we were able to go on dates every week? I was thinking we could try to spend some more time together. I really miss that.”
This strengthens your bond as you recall your past history together and it gets your intention across clearly. Even if you are both busy and can’t squeeze much time in for fun together, your partner will likely have mutual feelings and be open to making attempts to make it happen.

2. More Time Apart

Your Mission: To tell your partner that, while you love them, you want some private time to spend out with the girls/boys.

Don’t Say: “I need some space.”
Not only can this be very rude (depending on the tone and inflection that is used), but this phrase is often said when a relationship is in critical danger. Your partner could take this to mean that you’re not happy within the relationship. It could make them feel like they aren’t providing for your emotional or physical needs. Don’t make your partner fear the worst simply because you’d like to spend more time with your family or friends, or do something that you enjoy that they don’t.

Do Say: “It’s been so long since I’ve gone out with/to [insert name/activity]. I love spending time with you, but I’d also like to dedicate some of my time to doing that. Maybe while I’m out, you can go [insert activity].”
Saying something like the above offers the opportunity to discuss the topic in a calm and approachable manner. It also indicates that you place value on the time that is spent with your partner and that you don’t simply want to escape from him. By giving him an idea of what he could do while you go off to do your own activities, there is a better chance of him understanding the reasons for your desire to spend time doing your own thing. For example, if he doesn’t spend time with his friends very often because you don’t particularly get along well with them, he could see them and enjoy himself while you do something you enjoy, elsewhere.

3. Finances

Your Mission: Get a low-stress discussion on finances started.

Don’t Say: “We need to talk about our finances.”
This phrase just sounds ominous! It can almost sound like you’re placing the financial blame on your partner right from the start. In this case, it could lead to defensive behavior and create a tense environment to talk about this topic. Remember, money is one of the most common reasons that people argue. By thinking carefully before approaching this topic, you will both be able to more effectively handle the tasks ahead.

Do Say: “Could you help me work on our finances?”
This simple question, when asked with respect, is a perfect lead-in for this discussion. Money can be a stressful topic, but by including yourself in the question directly, you aren’t placing blame. Instead, you are indicating that you would like the share the load. Not only that, by asking for your significant other to take part, you are demonstrating that their opinions are valuable and desired.

Take our premarital preparation course at http://FLPremaritalCourse.com to learn more about each other, gain marriage-enhancing skills, and get a great start towards your happily-ever-after.